Monday, March 13, 2017

Overall Conclusions

From my last post, the question can a child recover from a traumatic event during divorce arose to my mind. After doing my research about it, the answer is yes. Although children are more vulnerable to suffer from being traumatized, they are also able to recover faster.

I looked into the article by Help Guide, Coping with Emotional and Psychological Trauma. Authors Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, and Jeanne Segal came up with different strategies for children to help get over traumatic events.

Some ways to help your child recover from a traumatic experience is to limit media exposure, engage with your child spending one on one time, feed them a healthy diet and make sure they exercise daily, and rebuild your child’s trust and safety with you. If your child still isn’t better after six weeks, that it the time to get professional help. There are tons of therapists and counselors out there who have studied these kinds of things and know exactly what kind of techniques to use to help them.


After researching all of these questions it brought me to a big question, why do people get divorces anyways? What are the main causes of why majority of people get divorced?

I found interesting facts from the Divorce Help article Top Five Reasons Couples Divorce written by Brian Beltz. Beltz puts a lot of useful facts and interesting information in his article.

Beltz believes the number one cause of people getting divorces is lack of communication and investment to the marriage. Beltz finds information from the National Fatherhood Initiative that did research and supports his belief that “Seventy three percent of couples said that the main reason for dissolving their marriage was that one or both spouses became lazy and weren’t willing to work out their problems.” After that follows too much arguing, lack of communication, cheating is the root of 55% of marriages, and married too young is number five on the list. 

I wanted to back up Beltz information he found about communicating and lack of investment being the number one reason why parents get divorced so I did a narrow search and found the article The Number One Cause Of Divorce written by Kevin Thompson. I compared the two articles and found that they both agree that the number one cause for divorce is lack of commitment and investment. Thompson writes “Our affections often grow toward our investments. Wherever we put our time, money and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest and affection.” Thompson adds in that praying for your spouse, kissing them hello and goodbye, checking in at least once a day, 5 minutes of interrupted conversation and hugging for at least 30 seconds a day will cause your love to grow and last.


My thinking has evolved a lot about how I feel about this topic. Starting off I was totally against divorce but after doing the research I think it is best to divorce after you have tried all you can to fix it, but in a civil manner so it will be as stress less to the children involved as possible. Some questions I still have about this topic is why do parents get lazy when it comes to fixing their marriage? Will there be even more divorces in the future or will there be less?

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Thursday, March 9, 2017

To Divorce Or Not To Divorce?

After writing my first blog the biggest question I wanted to look into for my second, was is it better on the child if parents get divorced or stay together clearly unhappy?

I found myself stumbling upon an article from The Huffington Post, Why a Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage For Kids. According to Huffington, Brette Sember, a divorce expert, thinks that if parents have a civil divorce, that it’s better than staying together.

Sember’s reasoning was that it would be better on the kids because the kids wouldn’t have to watch their parents fight and argue non-stop. She explained “it is a far cry better than raising your children in abusive, angry, or deeply resentful marriage.” A loving and nurturing home is very important for children growing up so they feel like they have a safe place. Although she did admit that there are negative effects of divorce, she believes children suffer less if they’re parents’ divorce rather than staying together creating a bad environment for the children. She refers to a bad marriage to an “open wound that can never heal as the scab is picked off again and again” and she thinks if they get divorced it frees everyone from a negative lifestyle.





Researching that question brought me to my next question. What are the negative effects that divorce has on children anyways?

While looking into it I was surprised on just how much negative things can come from the result of a divorce. I read the article 9 negative effects divorce reportedly has on children By The Week. Lauren Hansen writes the article about; nine different negative effects that has been polled and reported about children falling victim to being in the middle of a divorce.

It turns out, that children whose parents who have had a divorce, have more health problems like getting sick more easily. They have a higher risk of stroke and the eight decade study shows that they even die five years earlier. Eight percent have thought of committing suicide. A 2011 study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison shows children “are more likely to suffer anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem." Victim of divorce also seem to do worse in math and social skills. Which is probably why they are also more likely to drop out of school. Studies show that children are more statistically likely to start smoking and doing drugs compared to children whose parents are still married. The result of that is that those children are also more likely to commit crimes. Inevitably those children are more likely to get divorce themselves. In fact it is believed that if one spouse has divorced parents they are twice as likely to divorce, but combined “If both partners experienced divorce as children they are three times more likely to divorce themselves.”




Some questions I still have are; Is there ways parents can save their marriage and family if they feel its falling apart? If kids get traumatized from their parents fighting can they get help and get over it before they become another statistic? What reasons do parents get divorced anyways?  I hope to find some good information to conclude my blogs.

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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

How Does Divorce Effect Children?

I chose to write my exploratory blog on the effects of divorce on children and teens. I picked this topic because my parents got a divorce when I was five years old, so it's a topic that has really interested me and continues to interest me as I have married and have a baby of my own. 

Divorce destroys almost fifty percent of marriages nowadays, and people are more likely to be talking to someone who has been divorced than they are to someone who has been married to the same person their whole life. So why do people get divorced? Would the child be better off in the long run if the parents stayed married, or would it negatively affect them just the same if their parents were to stay together?

I feel like we do not live in a time when people fix things anymore. When things are broken they go get a new one. Parents and children have to go through the excruciating pains such as custody and financial battles. My parents’ divorce took a year to finalize, and to this day they do not speak to each other unless something traumatic happens or one of their kids gets sick and has to go to the hospital. My mom has struggled financially since she got divorced. When she was married, she did not have to worry about working or finances. It is hard to go through a situation like this, and having a parent who struggles financially can really take a toll on the children of a family with divorced parents. 

While looking at the toll it has taken on my life, it led me to wonder how divorce affects other lives.  And what can we do to prevent divorce from affecting children negatively? Another question I have is what are all the negative effects of divorce on children?

I will look up my questions using books that have to do with divorce and their effects on children. I will also look up my question using the library website, where there seemed to be good information.

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